Today

I woke up this morning.

Praise Yah.

Because I did wake up.

With breath still in my lungs,

grace still stretched across my chest,

and mercy folded in the sheets beside me.

But yesterday…

I returned to old, familiar habits

ones I once laid at the altar,

tears in my eyes,

vows on my lips.

I told my Dad

I won’t go back.

I told myself

I know better now.

But I did.

And I thought I’d feel the weight of it again,

that same crushing conviction.

But instead,

I felt

nothing.

And the nothing

was louder than shame.

Heavier than guilt.

More hollow than the sin itself.

And that silence

that soul silence

revealed the truth:

What I thought was freedom,

was just permission to stay bound.

What the world called self love,

was self-abandonment dressed up pretty.

And I’ve done that before.

Worn masks over my hunger.

Painted gold over broken places.

Tried to love myself with what never loved me back.

But grace…

Grace didn’t leave me in the nothing.

Grace whispered:

You are still mine.

Even here.

Even now.

Even after.

So today,

I don’t come with excuses.

I don’t come with perfect prayers.

I come with open hands.

A tender heart.

A little more wisdom

than I had yesterday.

Today,

I seek repentance

not from shame,

but from clarity.

Because this flesh?

It will fail.

And fail again.

But Yah…

He is unchanging.

Unmoved.

Unshaken.

And somehow,

He still calls me daughter.

So today

I praise Him.

That I’m here.

Alive.

Awake.

Becoming.

Healing.

Softly.

Sacredly.

Wholeheartedly.

Today.

song: Forgiveness (Meditation) by Londrelle